


Share with me your burdens

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Caduceus is going to fix it, Canonical Character Death, Captivity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I hope this is ok, I'm so bad at tagging someone teach me, Implied/Referenced Torture, Psychological Trauma, Rescue, Self-Blame, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, The others are saved, molly is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 03:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15721266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: To his credit, Caduceus hadn’t been around people in many seasons, not anyone who stuck around long enough for him to get to know.So when they arrived at the inn and he watched the tiefling hold back sobs when nobody was watching and laugh loudly when they were, watched the half-orc’s eyes go distant and his fingers curl into tight fists that Caduceus thought it was only polite to help.





	Share with me your burdens

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is ok. These characters are really hard to write! I feel like I used 'my dear' a lot, which is an issue because I used to write Molly as saying that all the time. Oh well, it fits Duces too. I hope this is alright x I think this needs to be done in the game and I thought Caduceus was the best fit. 
> 
> If there are any tags that need to be added/changed let me know x

To his credit, Caduceus hadn’t been around people in many seasons, not anyone who stuck around long enough for him to get to know.

His first instinct was to make breakfast for his new travelling companions, piling extra food onto the plates of the ones recently freed from their shackles. The half-orc is quiet, eyeing the dirty tabletop with disgust and reproach. The blue one- tiefling, he likes those, always happy to listen to his stories and offer one back- was bubbly, her laughter something these walls had not heard in a very long time, but it did not take a seasoned member of the team to notice that her smile did not reach her eyes. The giant woman was still unconscious.

They stopped at a grave, marked with a decorated coat of many colours and a simple wooden stake, and Caduceus had dug his hand into the dirt and promised these new people that something- he doesn’t know what, but _something_ \- will grow in his place.

It was only when they arrived at the inn that he really saw it as he watched the tiefling hold back sobs when nobody was watching and laugh loudly when they were, watched the half-orc’s eyes go distant and his fingers curl into tight fists that Caduceus thought it was only polite to help.

With Jester being occupied by Nott, trying to deduce the lives of every random patron seated at the bar and Caleb talking to Fjord about magic at a separate table, Caduceus approached Beauregard.

“Hello,” he greeted, leaning up against the bar.

Beau shot him a look as she took a sip from her tankard. “Hi.”

“I know I’m new here but I couldn’t help but notice that those two we just rescued are looking pretty down in the dumps.” Clay waved his hand vaguely at Jester and Fjord. “I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to make them feel better?”

“Why do you give a fuck?” Beau demanded, turning fully in her chair to face him. “You’ve known us for less than a month, you don’t even have to stick around with us. Why the fuck do you care about how they feel?”

Caduceus felt like he should have been offended by her statement, or surprised at the brashness, but he laughed and ruffled her hair, making her growl at him and slap his hand away. “I don’t like seeing good people unhappy. I think that if there is something someone can do to make someone’s day just a little bit better, it’s their duty to help them. I don’t mind. So far, I like you people, so you have nothing to worry about.”

Beau glared at him but didn’t comment. “Fine,” she sighed finally. “Jester likes pastries and drawing. Fjord was a sailor, he likes talking about his time on the boat. He was pretty close to Molly so I don’t know if that helps. Yasha likes flowers.”

“Flowers?” Caduceus grinned. “Oh, I like her.”

“Yeah, we all do.” Beau crossed her arms, _definitely_ not staring out the window at the faraway storm. “But seriously, if you think you could do something…”

“Oh, I don’t know for sure, but maybe I can.” He pushed away from the table. “I’ll give it a shot.”

* * *

A few days later, Caduceus went to the local pasty shop and bought out all their pastries with the platinum they had found in the Sour Nest. He brought a picnic basket and a red checker blanket and many vials of coloured paint.

She was sitting by herself, alone in the courtyard of Zadash, so Caduceus moseyed up to her. “Hey there, Jester.”

She brightened immediately, but Caduceus could tell it seemed forced. “Oh! Hello Mr Clay! I didn’t know you had come out here with me. Can I help you?”

“Actually yes,” He held out his basket filled with warm, freshly baked pastries. “I have all these pastries and nobody to share them with.” Jester’s eyes widened and Caduceus gave her a kindly smile. “I was wondering if you would like to have a picnic with me and eat these?”

“Why did you buy so many pastries if you weren’t going to eat them all?” Jester giggled as she stood up and walked with Caduceus to the edge of town.

They sat under a canopy of coloured ribbons and intricate flags, surrounded by a sprawl of flowers and strong, hearty trees. They laid the blanket out on the floor, piled the picnic basket upon it, pulled out plates and napkins and cutlery and sat cross-legged across from each other.

“I brewed tea,” Caduceus explained. “But I also brought milk, because I remembered that you liked milk.”

“Oh, that’s very sweet of you.” Jester’s voice was muffled as she peeled away the blanket that was folded over the pastries to keep them warm and gasped as she pulled out a cinnamon coated bear claw. “Oh, these are from my home!” She took a bite. “They taste just like it too! How did you know?”

“Honestly, I just brought four of everything they had so really it was just a lucky guess.” Jester was too enraptured by the pastry to acknowledge Caduceus’s claim, “But I’m glad it worked out.”

“These are delicious!” Jester exclaimed with her mouth stuffed full with pastry. “Thank you very much.”

“You’re very welcome,” Caduceus said, picking the flaking pastry off of some pink jelly concoction. He had never had pastries, and he was rather hesitant to try. “I also brought you some ink because one of your friends told me you like drawing, so I’ll give you those once you finish eating.”

The genuine joy on the tiefling face was not something Caduceus had seen yet, not since they had met. “You didn’t have to!”

“No, but I wanted to.” Caduceus smiled, taking a tentative bite out of his pastry. It wasn’t bad. “I thought maybe we could talk and enjoy our picnic. I know so little about you all and I haven’t had company in a very long time.”

“That’s ok! I’d be happy to talk. What do you want to talk about?”

That gave Caduceus pause. “I hadn’t actually thought that far ahead.” Jester giggled. “Do you want to talk about where you’re from?”

“Oh, Nicodranas?” Jester squealed. “It’s very pretty and the pastries are amazing. My mother is the Ruby of the Sea-”

“Who?”

“-and she always has people over to have _sex_ with them.” Caduceus blinked but Jester continued. “And the pastries are always made with cinnamon. It’s pretty amazing.”

“That sounds… lovely.”

“What about your home?” Jester asked, wiping crumbs and jam off her face. “I’ve never seen it.” 

“Oh, right. Well, uh, it’s in a forest and is surrounded by graves that are full of flowers.” He picked up his teacup and took a sip. “And the flowers make great tea.”

“That sounds super-duper cool!” Jester grinned. Caduceus could tell now that it was forced. He looked at the art supplies in the basket. “I would like to visit it, someday.”

“Yes, maybe on the way to see your friend.” He put aside his half-eaten pastry and pulled out the ink. “Maybe we could… draw for a little?”

“Yes yes!” Jester took them from his hands. “I’ll show you my sketchbook to the Traveller.”

“I don’t know who that is but sure.”

They laid on their bellies in silence for a moment, nothing but the sound of the wind in the trees and their quills on paper. Looking over, Caduceus could see the downcast look on Jester’s face and the sudden lack of any art on her page and decided to make his move. “Jester?”

“Mmmm?”

“Would you like to talk about what happened?”

Jester choked on her spit and the mindlessly stroking quill paused in her hand. “What?” She exclaimed, tail waving anxiously against the grass.

“I mean, you were just freed from a cell, right?” Caduceus plucked a blade of grass from the earth. “And I mean, I didn’t like those Metal Farmers- “

“Metal Farmers?” Jester interjected, frowning. “You mean the Iron Shepards?”

Caduceus pointed. “Yes, them, right. I had forgotten their name, thanks for that. But anyway, I’m sure that was traumatic. You seem down, do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m always like this, Mr Clay, I’m fine.” Jester grinned, but it was shaky. “I’m just really glad that you guys got us out.”

Slowly, carefully, Caduceus leaned forward until his nose was almost touching Jester’s. “My dear,” he said gently. “It’s alright to not be fine all the time.”

Like a dam being broken, Jester reached a hand up to her mouth to stifle her sobs as tears fell down her cheeks and her shoulders heaved. “But… I am fine.”

“No dear, you definitely are not.” Caduceus gripped her shoulder. “And that’s alright. Tell me, why do you hide it? Why don’t you tell them how much this has affected you?”

“Because I’m trying to be braver and tougher.” Jester wept. “I don’t want to look weaker than the others just because I’m scared. Fjord thinks I’m brave. I want to be brave but I’m just not.”

“Being brave doesn’t mean not being scared.” Caduceus brushed some hair away from Jester’s reddening face. “Actually, I think being able to admit that you’re scared is the bravest thing you can do.”

“Really?”

“Really. I mean, how many people do you see break down in front of a stranger?” He rubbed her tears away with a thumb. “Now, it’s true, I don’t really have many references for people, but whenever someone comes to my temple I can always tell the weak from the brave. And you, my dear-“ He kissed Jester on the forehead. “Are the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

Jester wiped away her tears with the back of her sleeve. “R-really?” She hiccupped.

“Yes, my dear.”

Jester looked down, almost as though she were ashamed. “I just wanted to be strong because these people look up to me, you know? I don’t want them to think I was weak and scared.”

Tutting, Caduceus rubbed his thumb up and down Jester’s arm. “No Jester, you are not weak because of this. It’s alright to be scared. If you weren’t scared of what happened, then there would have been something wrong.”

“But, everyone else has something about them that makes them special. Caleb has a cat. Fjord has magic. Beau likes to punch things. Yasha is big and scary. Molly… Molly was great. Nott drinks a lot. I’m just the little girl who left home.”

Caduceus looked at Jester fondly, trying to catch her gaze. “Jester, it is in my belief that people like you are what make the world go round. Without gentle souls like you to balance out all the riff-raff, the world would be a disaster. I feel like you’re especially important.”

“But I couldn’t get us out.” Jester sobbed. “If I had just tried harder I might have been able to get us out of the chains and sent a message to the rest of us.” She sniffled and wiped her nose with the hem of her dress. “I wasn’t as strong as Yasha or as brave as Fjord.”

“You only have to be as amazing as Jester, my dear.” Caduceus offered his best attempt at comfort. “You don’t need to be anyone or anything else.”

She dried her tears on her sleeve. “I just wish I could have done more; you know? I wish I could have been there for Molly. I wish I could have gotten free and called for help when they first got us.” She dropped her voice to a hoarse whisper. “I wish the Traveller came for me when I called.”

Caduceus sighed. “There is nothing you could have done differently. I am very proud of you for staying as strong as you did. I do not know… why your god did not come for you but I believe he had a reason and that he wanted to see you grow.”

“I hope you’re right,” Jester muttered. “I hope I didn’t do anything to upset him.”

“Of course not,” Caduceus reassured. “Jester, I never met your friend, Mollymauk, but I’m sure he would have been proud of you.”

“Molly would have known if something was wrong,” Jester whispered, eyes on the floor.

“Well,” once again, Caduceus couldn’t decide if he should be offended by that. “Molly isn’t here, but I am. Would you be able to deal with that?”

Nodding, Jester looked up with a smile. “Yes, Mr Clay. Thank you. I think I just miss Molly.”

“Greif is natural. I’m sure your friend would be glad not to be forgotten.” He paused, contemplating his next words. “Tell me, Jester, why don’t you tell your friends that you’re hurting? That you’re not as happy you put on to be? Is it because you believe your emotions and wellbeing doesn’t matter?”

Jester shook her head. “No. Making other people happy makes me happy and I know we’re all real… upset because of Molly so I think making us all feel better will do us some good.”

Standing, Caduceus held out his hand and Jester took it with a sad but genuine smile. “Maybe we can find some more pastries?”

“I don’t want any more pastries,” Jester sniffled. “I think you brought the whole store out. But maybe we could find some weird people and I’ll show you how to pull pranks.”

Caduceus beamed. “I don’t know what that is but I’d like that.”

* * *

"Would you know if there were any bookstores around here by chance?”

Caleb blinked away from his book to look up at the large, towering form of their new firbolg friend. “Uh, yes, hello Mr Clay.” He marked his page with the leather bookmark and closed the tome. “Why do you ask?”

“I haven’t read a good book in ages.” Caduceus explained. “There wasn’t any at the Run and I had already read all the ones in my temple until I knew them by memory. I had hoped to find some new material.”

Standing, Caleb put his tome back into his harness. “Yes, of course. I shall take you. Is there any books you wish to start with?”

“Sailing,” Caduceus said, elaborating when Caleb shot him an inquisitive look. “I haven’t seen the sea in many seasons. I think it’s time I touched up on what I have missed.”

Smiling, Caleb patted his taller friend on the back and led him out of the tavern and onto the street. “Then sailing books we will find, my friend.”

It wasn’t terribly hard to find Fjord, the green of the half-orcs skin a striking contrast to the bright blue of the ocean, the reds and purples and oranges of the sunset and the rotten brown of the peer his feet were dangling off of.

“You’d probably get a better look at that sunset from a crow’s-nest or something,” Caduceus said as he approached and Fjord whipped around to face him, new golden blade shimmering into existence in his hand. “Although, I’ve never seen one, so I wouldn’t really know. I’ve only seen them in pictures but they all look too small for me anyway.”

“Oh. Caduceus, I didn’t hear you coming.” Fjord shuffled over. “Would you like to sit with me?”

“Sure.” Where Fjord’s feet dangled high above the water, Caduceus could feel the fur on his feet getting soaked and wondered how long his trousers would take to dry. “I brought some books on sailing today. Thought we could talk about it.”

Fjord seemed surprised. “Well, uh, what do you know?”

“I remember reading lots of things but I can’t remember what I read.” Caduceus chuckled. “The crows-nest and a gangplank is really the extent of my knowledge.”

“Do you actually want to learn about sailing?”

“Well, I know nothing about any of you people so I thought I would start. I was told you were a sailor, talk to me about sailing.”

Blinking, Fjord looked down at his hands, fingers twisting the red cord that hung at his waist between them. “We don’t have to talk about sailing.” Fjord said. “I understand it’s not the most interesting topic.”

“Well, talk to me about your friend then.”

“My friend?”

“Mollymauk.”

At the mention of the name, Fjord stiffened, hands pausing in their motions and eyes staring unblinkingly at the setting sun. “What about him?”

“Well, you were roommates, right?” Caduceus tilted his head. “I saw your face at his grave. Do you want to talk about it?”

“How the fuck is that supposed to help?” Fjord demanded.

“I know guilt very well, my friend.” Caduceus smiled. “And the guilt of death is the most common. I can tell you are guilty about Mollymauk’s death. There is also something else?”

The silence between them was almost painful, so painful that Caduceus was about to suggest that they change their topic of conversation back to sailing when Fjord finally spoke. “His skin was purple and had tattoos as colourful as that coat you saw.” When Caduceus turned to him, Fjord’s arms were crossed against his chest, eyes staring into the distance. “He was loud and would get drunk almost every night but he was kind and fair and trustworthy.”

“The very best people are.” Caduceus agreed politely.

Fjord’s teeth were grit. “His death was my fault.” He ground out, fists tightening. “If I had been there it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Do you also blame yourself for the capture of you and your friends?”

Rubbing a hand down his face, Fjord sigh. “Of course I do. It was my watch and I should have heard them coming.”

“You cannot blame yourself for every hardship this team suffers, my friend.”

Shaking his head, Fjord pursed his lips. "You wouldn't understand. These people... they're my responsibility. I'm supposed to look after them, not the other way around."  
  
"Have they told you this?" Caduceus asked

"No, but-"

“How can you put such a burden on yourself for something that obviously was not in your control?" Caduceus felt like it would be rather cruel, but he decided to say the only thing that was effective. "Is this what Mollymauk would want for you?”

Very obviously, Fjord flinched. "No. No, it isn't." Fjord sighed again and Caduceus realized that sighing was a common trait of the half-orc. "He'd tell me to pick my head up and get over myself. He'd tell me that there was nothing I could do and that it was probably only his own fault that he died."

Cautiously, Caduceus pride further. “And would this be something you would believe?”

“Absolutely not.” Was Fjord’s instant reply. “Because while he was a good friend, he was the biggest fucking lair I have ever met. You couldn’t tell what was true, coming from him.”

Caduceus took in the firm set of Fjord’s jaw, the grinding of his teeth, the clench of his fists, the pain in his eyes. “You’re angry.” He observed, “Why?”

Exhaling, Fjord slammed a fist down on his leg. “I should have been better.” He groaned. “I should have known they were coming. I’m angry at myself for not being able to help. If I was there, maybe we wouldn’t have lost Molly. And maybe it was unavoidable but Yasha would have at least been able to say goodbye. We could have given them a fighting chance.”

When he didn’t continue, Caduceus leaned closer. “And…?”

“What makes you think there’s anything else?” Fjord demanded.

“I’ve been dealing with trauma and guilt and heartache for as long as I can remember. I know it well. I also know that while it does not completely… negate the issue, it does help to talk about it.” Caduceus tried to make his grin warm and inviting. “And let me tell you, I’ve had a lot of experience with others coming to terms with their feelings and emotions. It’s a trait of death. I do not mind sharing your burdens on this.”

A pause. When Fjord next spoke, his voice was quiet, trembling and much rawer than Caduceus had ever heard it. “I wasn’t expecting them to come for me,” Fjord admitted. “I thought they would rather leave me there. Caleb especially.”

“Why?”

“Caleb and I… have never really gotten along. I knew Molly would come for Yasha and the others would come for Jester but I never thought anyone would come for me."

“But they did,” Caduceus said. “And they gathered help along the way to make up for their lack of teammates.”

“I thought they would be mad at me for getting everyone captured in the first place and that they thought I deserved it.” Caduceus could tell that Fjord was very obviously trying not to cry. “But Caleb… he was nice to me. I told us it would be ok and he stayed with Yasha when we were trashing the place but I couldn’t even find him a single fucking book.”

“I believe.” Caduceus said slowly. “That you think too low of yourself. Your friends had every intention of saving you along with Yasha and Jester. You are a part of their team. Dare I say... family? But I believe losing Mollymauk gave them a new determination to find you and re-establish what semblance of everything they had. I think they need you as much as you need them, but that is not for your usefulness.”

“Yeah,” Fjord rubbed a hand through his hair, visibly relaxing. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Is there anything else?” Caduceus prompted.

Fjord’s chuckle was breathy. “You’re too damn good at knowing these things, you know that?”

“So I've been told.”

“I suppose… I’m disappointed in myself for… not dealing with this well.” Fjord confessed. “I would have thought Yasha was doing fine until Molly’s grave, but now I don’t know. Jester, hell, I have never seen anyone shake off something like this so well. She just doesn’t stop smiling. I’m glad she’s doing fine.”

Caduceus glued his eyes to one of his beetles currently crawling over his hand. “You think Jester is doing well?”

“Well, yeah, have you seen her?” Fjord paused, face falling. “Do you know something that I don’t?”

Considering his next words carefully, Caduceus turned to Fjord, meeting the half-orc’s eyes. “I think you should have a conversation with her about what happened. Yasha too, when she comes back. It will do you all some good. And don’t worry about Caleb-” Caduceus placed a handful of platinum into Fjord’s hand. “I know that store you all want me to visit has spells and one of the bookstores I went to sold arcane books. Get him a gift as a thank you, it’ll do wonders.”

“Caduceus-”

Waving him off, Caduceus closed Fjord’s hand over the coin and pushed his new friend upright. “Off you go before they close.”

“What about you?”

Staring out to the sea, Caduceus chuckled. “It has been quite some time since I have seen the ocean. I think I shall… sit here and watch the sunset a little longer. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Fjord nodded, but Caduceus was already staring out to the water. “Well, Wildmother.” He said quietly to himself and to his goddess- always listening, always watching- “Maybe there is some good that can be done here.”

* * *

The sun was rising high above the horizon, bright colours filtering through the leaves and branches of the trees. Behind them, the Mighty Nein was stirring, the last dregs of the campfire being re-ignited for breakfast as Caduceus abandoned his watch and made his way to the figure he watched arrive not too long ago.

“Yasha?” He called out as he approached. “It’s nice to finally meet you, the others were not sure when or if you were coming back. My name is Caduceus Clay and it is an absolute pleasure to meet you.”

She didn’t turn around. Her hulking form took up most of the clearing, as small a clearing as it was, and her shoulders were hunched over something, her head drooping. She was smaller than Caduceus, though he hardly ever took that into account. She was stronger and her skin was full of more scars than he could score. “May I sit?” He asked her quietly.

Yasha nodded and when Caduceus sat beside her, he saw the object in her hands.

Held tightly between her fingers was a white silken flower, the twirling bud tiny in her palms. The flowers petals were a brilliant white, dotted with powdered colour splatters and the tiny sparks from fireworks, the petals flat from being pressed. They sat quietly together as they watched the sun rise steadily into the brightening sky when Yasha spoke. “Molly gave me this flower, you know.” Her voice was raw like she hadn’t stopped screaming since she left them at the grave at the Glory Run Road. “In Huperdook. It was the last time we had any sort of fun together just the two of us in the shadowed safety of a tavern room.”

“Ah, yes.” Caduceus remembered. “You and your late Mollymauk were good friends.”

“He was, for a very long time, my only friend.” Her voice was thick. “And I wasn’t there to save him.”

“I understand grief very well,” Caduceus said. “And I know that it is never easy but in the end, it is what Mollymauk would have wanted.”

“For me to be in pain every time I hear his name? Every time I think of him?”

Caduceus smiled. “To not be forgotten.”

Swallowing thickly, Yasha looked away. “Do you know what he said to me when he gave me this flower?”

“I can’t say that I do.”

There were tears in her eyes. Caduceus couldn’t remember a time when he was more surprised. “’Here’s something that won’t die.’ And then he goes and dies, again, and I wasn’t even there.”                                                                                  

“Well, that’s highly ironic, isn’t it?” he ignored the withering glare from Yasha. “Yeah, that’s a shame. I see that you’re more expressive about the death of your friend than the capture, torture and horrors that you had to endure. Are you alright?”

Yasha stared at the sun for a moment, her hand falling limp in her lap but two fingers still clasping tight to the fake flower. “I am no stranger to pain,” Yasha explained. “I sat through it silently. It has been done before and will continue to be done. That... that is not what hurt.”

“Then what was it, my dear?”

“It was-“ She turned her head, growling away from Caduceus as she closed her eyes. “Seeing Jester and Fjord get hurt every single day and not being able to do anything.”

Caduceus understood. “Ah,” he said. “Yes, that is quite a painful thing. I can grasp rather easily how that would be terrible, yes. That hurt you more than your own torture?”

“More than anything.”

“More than the death of your friend?”

A pause. “Nothing can hurt more than that,” Yasha whispered.

A bird settled in one of the trees, blue and white, and chirped at them as though watching the exchange with bated breath. “I understand that this is a very painful time for you,” Caduceus said, his voice low. “But it is also a hard time on your friends. I think talking to Jester and Fjord about your experiences would help, if only slightly.”

Yasha shook her head. “No, they deserve to forget what happened. It’s not fair for me to bring it up again.”

“And why do you think that?” Caduceus asked, tilting his head. “Do you think your own experience was unimportant?”

“It was worse for them than it was for me,” Yasha said. “I don’t want to put any more burden on them than we already have.”

Caduceus sighed and turned away from the sunrise. Behind them, Nott and Jester were performing some sort of dance in perfect succession while Beau, disgruntled and confused, awkwardly tried to keep up with them but was many steps behind. Caleb and Fjord sat side by side facing the girls and watching the performance, smiles on their faces. Sometimes, Caleb would roll his eyes at a comment about joining them, and Fjord would laugh at Beau when she tripped and got tangled up in her own limbs before she jumped back up to resume dancing. “We all have our own burdens. It’s what we do with them that matters. You can let it consume you until you are nothing more than an empty husk, or you can move on and replace it with better things.”

Gulping, Yasha took the silken flower and placed it into a book already filled with pressed flowers of all different colours. The silk flower fit into place like it had already been there before. “He gave me many things. We were both from the circus and he… he taught me how to love. I loved him. He meant so much to me and if I ever had the courage to tell him I would have let him know that he was the closest thing to a brother I ever had.”

“It can be hard to let go of family.” Caduceus agreed. He thought back to her departure, a snow-dappled cloak of colourful embroidery, dark skeletal wings and the figure disappearing in the distance as if following the moving storm. “And I’m sure the Stormlord is always looking out for you.”

Startled, Yasha whirled on him. “How do you know about the Stormlord?” She demanded. “How do you know I follow him?”

Caduceus chuckled. “My dear, I have never seen anyone seemingly summon a storm like that. You arrived on a storm today as well.” He winked. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell. I worship the Wildmother. We are both in the same boat.” Yasha seemed to relax, ever so slightly.

From one his pouches, Caduceus produced a handful of flowers, all dark reds and purples, and handed them to Yasha, who took them in surprise.

“What are these for?” she asked, looking them over and holding them gently in her hands.

Shrugging, Caduceus closed his pouch and smiled at her. “I was told that you liked flowers. I am very good with flowers. If you ever want, I could go to Mollymauk’s grave and pick the flowers that grow there for you, if ever you shall want it.”

“Yeah,” Yasha whispered, staring down at the small bundle of colour in her hands. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Standing, Caduceus wiped the dirt off of himself and patted Yasha on the shoulder. “Talking about grief and trauma always helps. I know your friends will be ready for it once you ask. And if they are not, I am always here. I will never push you away. Burdens are something I am willing to share, even carry if need be.” He turned back to the group, now piling food onto their plates. “I will leave you. Think about it. My offer is always open.”

When he walked back, the group greeted him with smiles and platefuls of freshly cooked food and a blue bird perched on his shoulder.

He watched Nott as her eyes darted swiftly between Caduceus and Yasha with a critical expression. She suddenly looked straight at him as if only not realizing that he had seen her and met his eyes. She nodded, slow and sure, as though thanking him for speaking to Yasha before she turned back to her plate and making faces at Jester across the campfire.

* * *

His tripod was set up above a small flame, the spout of his teapot billowing steam that smelt faintly of roses and hyacinths as he watched the stars above him glitter in the darkness. Once the tea was done, he took it off the flame and poured it into a cup, placing the kettle back upon the tripod and raising the cup to his lips, steam obscuring his vision and heat warming his face.

Caduceus was about to take a sip when he heard footsteps behind him and someone clear their throat, his name mumbled into the darkness. He slowly, calmly turned around and was met with a rather embarrassed troupe of Yasha, Jester and Fjord, each avoiding his gaze.

“Why, hello there.” Caduceus smiled, “I don’t know how you found me but I never say no to the company.” It was true, he had walked a while out of Zadash and into the grasslands that surrounded it, leading past his picnic spot with Jester and with only a passing comment to Caleb once they passed in the hallway at the Leaky Tap about Caduceus heading out to brew some tea and not to worry if he's not in his room.

Yasha looked anywhere but at Caduceus. “We, uh, we actually came to find you.”

“Oh?” Caduceus asked, surprised. “What could I do for you?”

Clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck, Fjord sighed as if realising that would be his job to explain. “Well, we all had that talking to you suggested…”

“Oh, you did? How wonderful.” Caduceus sat forward, careful not to spill his tea. “How did it go?”

“We had a rather long conversation about it and uh… we all came to the same conclusion, afterwards.” Fjord said, biting his bottom lip.

Caduceus tilted his head. “Oh? And what would that be?”

Slowly, Jester kneeled down in the dirt opposite Caduceus and folded her hands together in her lap. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke. “We think that… it would be better to… talk about it all… if you were here.”

Smiling, Caduceus waved his hand and eventually, Yasha and Fjord followed Jester’s lead and onto the floor. “Well then,” Caduceus said. “I do have a few more cups. Here, let’s have some tea. I find a good story always goes along better with a fresh, hot cup of tea. Now, who wants to go first? I'm all ears for as long as you need me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I had to recite "I'm a little teacup" to myself in order to remember what the 'nose' of a kettle is.


End file.
